The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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