this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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