I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
