is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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