my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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