You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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