I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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