Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
