Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'll put lettuce on them
smell my finger.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.