what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
