i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole