Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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