I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
