Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
