There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
