Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The adults are the big ones right?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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