I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
