Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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