I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
