Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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