I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
