i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
