Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
