thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
