you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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