i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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