you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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