there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
