Yo dont text me then not text me
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
