girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
