sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
