a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he was CRYING into my vagina
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
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