Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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