I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My penis needs a shock collar
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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