They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i think i just lost a toe
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
