so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
