Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize