My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
