he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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