Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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