My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
