Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm both gender and math confused
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
