You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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