i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
