the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
