so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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