If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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