im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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