i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
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maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
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You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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