I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
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Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
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And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one