my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?