what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
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I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
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did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."