Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
