i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
