hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
