it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
