Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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