Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize