it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
