don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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