the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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