There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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