that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
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Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
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Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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