id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
