i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
