why didn't you poke me back
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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