I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
