turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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