She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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