Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
