I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
