In the future we'll all be gay
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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