Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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