apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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