I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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