i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
