at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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