Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
