whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
