o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
