He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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