My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
