You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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