Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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