I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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