You made me cry and you don't even care
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
