how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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